Today

It was an ok day. I did well with everything - kept sane for almost all the day. My only break down was when I was sitting in a room with one of the other special ed teachers. She asked me if I had kids. I said no. She asked if I was planning to, and I said "well, yes and no". And explained to her what happened. I got a few tears, but managed to stay coherent and move on. I did not want to tell anyone, especially not on his should-be birthday, but it just all came out. I'm glad she did not ask for too many details. I'm not sure I could have gone into that. I just hope she doesn't tell everyone else. I don't think I could stand all the looks of pity I would get. That's one reason I'm glad I didn't go back to the same school I was in last year. I just didn't want all those teachers looking at me with that expression in their eyes. You know the one I mean - the "I'm so sorry for you, and so glad it's not me in your shoes." The stupid comments that they make like "You can have another baby" making it sound like I can replace Liam with another little one like you would a sweater you've ruined.
I'm actually really glad to be back at work. It's certainly not what I'd hoped I'd be doing with my time right now, however, I'm glad for the business, the feeling of doing something useful and good.
Today one of the teachers I work with was out. She was out yesterday too. Her husband has Crohn's Disease, and is in the hospital with a severe infection, possibly needing an operation. I feel bad for her. I know the stress of having a husband in the hospital, and the helpless feeling that you have while waiting for the doctor's to fix things. I sure hope that he will be ok.

1 comments:

GailR said...

Hi Claire, Wow. Words can't say enough - so let me send hugs your way. We lost a little boy at 3 weeks of age so I can somewhat relate to what you are going through.

I will repeat two things that were said to me:
1. God needed another little angel
2. The more perfect the spirit, the shorter the life.

My thoughts are with you - and wishing you well.

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  • Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
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  • The BFG by Roald Dahl
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