An anniversary

Today is an anniversary for me, but not a happy one. This day one year ago, I was given the news that my little baby was a boy, but would most likely not make it. Even now I can remember the shock, the devastation I felt at hearing those words. Never in my worst nightmares could I have imagined something like this happening to me. I am relatively healthy, I was following all the rules - how could my baby be dying? And why me? Why did we lose our little boy when there are abusers and drug addicts popping out babies who will never get the love and attention we would have given to Liam? So many questions, and no answers. Now here I am, one year later, still missing my baby. Thinking about how old he would be now - wondering, would he be babbling yet? Trying to crawl? And always asking - will this happen again? Now we are talking about trying again this summer. I'm a little nervous, but very excited. I definately will not be able to go through this next pregnancy with the innocence I had at the beginning of my first one. I will be much more anxious, constantly worrying that something will go wrong. But go forward we will - we both want children, so we'll pray and try again.


Elaine said...

I am so sorry I can not imagine the pain you, your hubby and family have gone through in losing Liam. I know someone who lost twins at 8 months and then went on to have three beautiful healthy children. Hugs and prayers, Lainey.

Dani - tkdchick said...

I'm with you every step of the way girl! I hope your next experience is a worry free one! You deserve to be a Mom!

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What I've Read

  • Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
  • The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
  • The BFG by Roald Dahl
  • James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
  • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
  • Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
  • Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
  • Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K, Rowling
  • Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
  • Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
  • Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling