What a busy month this has been so far. I've been trying to get ahead with all my year end paperwork at school, but I'm really just barely keeping up!! Only 15 more days of school left this year! I'm so ready for a break. This year has been really good for me though. I have enjoyed my job and especially the teachers I'm working with. The administration is another story altogether. Never in my now 8 years of teaching have I ever been under such a poor principal - her people skills suck, and she lacks basic common sense and courtesy. The whole school dislikes her, and so does the community. She's just crazy!!

As always, when I get super busy, the stitching falls behind. Today is the first day I've had time, and I think that I'm going to pop in a movie and stitch a little right now. It's really pretty outside, and very tempting to go out and sit, but its also very hot and humid, so perhaps I'll remain in my air conditioned castle:) Now to decide what to work on....

I didn't get quite as much stitching done as I wanted this weekend, but I got some done. Here is a pic of the dumb dalmation.

I also have a pic of the piece I'm doing for DH. I'm about half way through.

I'm only able to work on this one when Patrick's not around, or when he's sleeping. Hopefully I'll get it finished this week if I work on it after school for a hour or so a few days.

Well tomorrow is Monday, and we're back to school. Bleh:( I'm heading to bed early tonight. I want to read for a while before I try to get some sleep. In 6 more weeks we have our state testing. From now until then I have loads to do - my own students and extra tutoring for the state test for regular ed. kids. I'll be glad when the FCAT is all over and we can at least relax a little before all our year end stuff begins.

Off to read and relax.

A really stormy day down here. Lots of rain and thunder and lightning (very, very frightening me:). We were under a tornado watch for most of the day, but all of that action was a little to our south. Now things are much calmer and quieter. Temps are getting much better too - up in the high 60's today, even with all the rain, and only going to get better.

Still working on the puppy tonight. Got his ear finished, and I'm now working on his spots. I'll be glad when I'm done with this one. I think I said last time that I started working on a piece for Patrick for Valentine's Day. It's little and won't take long to finish - just a little saying - but I thought it was nice and sweet. I was supposed to go to the stitching store this past Wednesday to get the fibres to kit up the Ottawa piece, but unfortunately I got stuck at school until 4:30, and then I had to be at Church for around 5:00, so no stitching store this week. Since it's in the southern end of the city near my Church I usually try to go on Wednesday nights instead of making a trip just for that. Trying to save gas and money in today's economy:)

Tomorrow is Friday, and I'm very glad for that. It's also a teacher planning day, so no kiddos at school. But I have lots to do. Already looking forward to a productive day at work and a very relaxing weekend with lots of stitching:)

I did plan to go to the gym today, but I've felt kinda yucky today, and since it was pouring when I left school I skipped it. So I will definately hit the gym tomorrow before starting the relaxing weekend:)

Well I'm off to watch Fringe and stitch a little more before bed. Update pics of stitching coming this weekend.

Finished dog butt and tail - now only the face and head then I'll be done with the white on white. I took a pic, but I'm not sure how much you can really see.

The blue is his collar. I really wanted some color to look at while I did my white on white. I should get the head done by this weekend, then I'll get some more color in and take another pic.

Work was okay today. Still doing the FAIR testing on the computer, and still trying to pull my kiddos for tutoring and regular classes. Just not enough time in the day for all of it.

I did not go to the gym tonight. I was supposed to meet up with my parents, but Dad called this morning and said that he'd taken Mom to the hospital last night with really bad stomach and back pain. The E.R. Dr. thinks she has a bad UTI, so she's at home with antibiotics. She goes to see her own Doc tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully they can confirm that and she'll be feeling better soon.

Well, I'm off to stitch something colorful for a few before bed.

Actually it's been a chilly week all over, even here in sunny Florida. Unfortunately, no flurries or iciness as hoped for, so no day of school:( Tonight it's going down to 27, and it's staying pretty cool for tomorrow. So right now I'm curled up in my big chair stitching and surfing, and I'll be doing the same tomorrow. I really don't mind the cooler weather, but it sure does give me a good reason to curl up and be lazy:) Love that.
Glad the week is over at school too. I had to talk to child services this week about a possible abuse case, and may have to again next week about a suspected neglect case. That's not at all fun to do. Also next week our computerized state reading testing continues, so I will be spending some time in the lab monitoring kiddos testing. Dull, very dull. It also takes away valuable teaching time - that doesn't seem to dawn on anybody though:(
Well, I'm off to stitch and watch tv.

Ah Monday, how I loathe thee:) School was busy today even though alot of students were absent. It being Florida, and being several degrees below freezing this morning, some kids didn't come because they were too cold to stand outside to wait for the bus. I thought about not going, but don't want to waste the days.
Tonight we took down the tree and inside decorations. I normally don't take them down quite so early, but I wanted to rearrange the living room furniture. Patrick is still not sure about the new configuration, but I really quite like it. The only thing is that the chairs we are now sitting in are closer to the sliding glass doors, and there is a bit of a draft due to the doggie door. So I think this weekend I will buy a curtain rod and nice thick curtain and put that up. That should take care of it:)
With all the undecorating and moving tonight, I've had no stitching time. But I will have tomorrow. I also went to the gym today after school. First time since Dec. 23. It felt great getting back into routine. I've really grown quite used to working out, and am starting to enjoy the challenges of walking longer or faster and lifting more times or heavier weights. I figure I've got about 15 more lbs to go to my goal. Right now I'm at my pre-preg weight, so I'm happy with that.
Well, I'm off to bed to read for a bit.

Monday's are always fun. Actually today was not too bad. I hardly accomplished anything teaching wise today. The 5th graders are putting on a play on Thursday, so we had play practice this morning. Then after lunch we had a "Good Touch Bad Touch" program. Just sucked the life outta my day:) Then I hit the gym. After a 2 week break I sure felt a little weak and wimpy. So I did 10 mins on the bike and 20 on the elliptical, and was pretty wiped out. I still have a little snuffly, coughy stuff going on, so I figured I'd had enough after 30 mins of cardio. I'll go back tomorrow and do some weights too.

I also finally got the autopsy results for Liam. They found nothing. Which is great in the way that there is nothing genetically wrong that we can't fix. But unfortunately we still have no answers, and we probably never will. Right now I'm just glad that we have the results. I feel like now it's finally finished. And that is a big feeling of relief.

Finally, tonight I got 1.5 hours of stitching in - all on the dumb dalmation:) Really want this UFO out of the way. Hopefully by Christmas....

I think Craigslist is great! We're finally selling all of that exercise equipment we've had lying around for years that we never use. I'm doing great going to the gym, so I feel good about selling it. I've gotten two requests about the bike and one about the elliptical so far. Very wonderful:)

On Friday at school, I had to email an OT I worked with last year about a student I have this year. I should have done it weeks ago, but kept avoiding it. He's a real sweet guy and worked well with the kids. Well, I emailed him and asked my question, and he responded immediately and of course asked about Liam. His wife was also pregnant and just had their little one a couple of weeks ago. Now I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow and having to respond to this with a sentence which begins "unfortunately...". I knew it was going to be like that. That's one of the biggest reasons I was so glad I didn't have to go back to Oak Hill this year. All that sympathy can be hard to take sometimes. That just made me so upset on Friday. I cried all the way home. It still seems so unfair to me. I still miss him. I keep looking at the date and thinking what age he would be now if he'd lived, or if he'd been born on his due date. I wonder what he would look like. Would he have been a good sleeper like his daddy, or a bad one like me. All I do know is I love and miss him ever so much.

A rant, and then my story.

When I was young, children were not allowed to ask impertinent questions. In fact, when I did ask or say something my parents or teachers considered inappropriate, I was quite often punished.
That's my rant.
Today as I was standing at the door of a classroom waiting for a couple of children to come with me, a girl sitting near the door looks up at me with a coy smile and says "Mrs. Debelak, are you pregnant, cuz you sure look like you are." OMG!!!! I don't know whether I wanted to smack her or cry. Even one of the boys I was picking up told this girl you don't ask things like that. It totally ticked me off. I then began to think that I should have had my little baby boy Liam about a month old now. And of course the obvious thought of I guess I still look fat. Gee thanks girl. She's lucky she's a student, that's all I can say.
That's my story.

Now off to stitch, watch Bones and Fringe.

Tuesday's are so much fun:) Actually today was ok. We had benchmark testing in math today, so I had 17 students in the library (which they call the media center down here) for 2 hours. There were two sessions, each were supposed to be 40 minutes, but because my kiddos are ESE they can have extended time, hence the two hours. I'm also allowed to read the questions to them, so I did alot of reading math questions too. Tomorrow is the science benchmark test. Two 40 minute sessions, which of course are extended for my kids.

Tonight we're heading out to dinner with Pat's boss, who's in town from California. We're going to a restaurant called Copeland's. I've been there once before and it was very nice and quite expensive. Tonight though, the bill is not ours to worry about, so that's a good thing:)

I'm really enjoying my work outs. I love doing the weight machines, but I'm decreasing my time on them so I can increase my cardio time since that's whats going to burn the fat. I'll keep up a few of the machines in order to strengthen the muscles under the fat. I'm up to 20 mins on the elliptical, so I need to add another 10 for it to be most beneficial. I'm also trying to increase the reps on the weight machines, but I am trying to keep the whole workout under an hour.

Well, I'm off to get dressed for tonight. Looking forward to some good food.

So, yesterday I was talking with a teacher at my school, and she was telling me about one of our co-teachers who had gotten pregnant last year. The lady is about 40, has two older kids (12 and 15 or something like that) and her new little baby was diagnosed with Down's Syndrome before birth. He does indeed have Down's and also a hole in his heart. He just had surgery to repair the hole a few weeks before school started. So this little man is being looked after by her in-laws while she works, because his feedings still need to be closely monitored. I don't know how she leaves him every day, and some days stays at school until after 5pm. So, this other teacher is telling me all this and every fiber of my being is screaming "I had a baby this summer too!!!". But what do ya say? I sure didn't want to get into everything about me in front of a class of kiddos, and she just kept talking.

This has been a year of percentages for us. One of our cats has hyperthyroidism. He received a treatment that did not work and is back in for a second treatment. The odds of the 1st treatment not working are so low, that in all the years the vet has been practicing only 5 cats have not responded to the 1st treatment. Out of those 5, 3 have responded the 2nd time. So now we wait and see. And then of course there's Liam. A 1 in 3000-5000 chance of having a baby with Hydrops. You'd think with odds like that we'd win the lottery soon.

And so begins another week. I jokingly said today to a teacher that Monday's should just not be allowed. I think I'll stand by that statement. I'm starting to feel more like myself (whoever that is) every day. I sometimes feel like I'm not sad enough about Liam - like I should still be crazy sad about him. But I just don't feel that way. I miss him, I miss what Pat and I should have had with him, but I feel like I've accepted his passing, and gotten used to the idea that I'm a woman who has lost a child. I never knew how many women out there have gone through this. It seems so odd to me that in this day and age, we can cure cancer, send men to the moon, but we can't keep a little baby alive. We're still awaiting the autopsy results. They said it could take up to 90 days. I think that's insane, but there it is. I called my obgyn's office today to see if they had the results. I felt very matter of fact when I asked for them. I always wonder if other people think I didn't care about Liam because I can talk matter-of-factly about him. And that is so far from the truth. Losing Liam was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. I can still see him in my mind as the nurse held him for me to say goodbye to. So hard to let her leave the room with him, knowing I would never see him again, but I knew his spirit was no longer there.

Today was an ok day at school. My job is not difficult, I hope as I learn a little more about curriculum and content that I can become even more involved in what I'm doing and get more comfortable with the students. I have not really worked with this age/grade level since college, so it seems a little new and intimidating to me. I'm sure I'll get used to it though.

Well that's it for now.

It was an ok day. I did well with everything - kept sane for almost all the day. My only break down was when I was sitting in a room with one of the other special ed teachers. She asked me if I had kids. I said no. She asked if I was planning to, and I said "well, yes and no". And explained to her what happened. I got a few tears, but managed to stay coherent and move on. I did not want to tell anyone, especially not on his should-be birthday, but it just all came out. I'm glad she did not ask for too many details. I'm not sure I could have gone into that. I just hope she doesn't tell everyone else. I don't think I could stand all the looks of pity I would get. That's one reason I'm glad I didn't go back to the same school I was in last year. I just didn't want all those teachers looking at me with that expression in their eyes. You know the one I mean - the "I'm so sorry for you, and so glad it's not me in your shoes." The stupid comments that they make like "You can have another baby" making it sound like I can replace Liam with another little one like you would a sweater you've ruined.
I'm actually really glad to be back at work. It's certainly not what I'd hoped I'd be doing with my time right now, however, I'm glad for the business, the feeling of doing something useful and good.
Today one of the teachers I work with was out. She was out yesterday too. Her husband has Crohn's Disease, and is in the hospital with a severe infection, possibly needing an operation. I feel bad for her. I know the stress of having a husband in the hospital, and the helpless feeling that you have while waiting for the doctor's to fix things. I sure hope that he will be ok.